It seems I can't continue on with work nowadays without giving my two cents on it first. I'd like to think it's because I don't like to rush into things, nor follow orders without knowing at least the premise behind them. I defend this behavior by saying I don't want to make undue haste and commit unnecessary mistakes. However, I also spend a considerable amount of time planning on which method is best to use and thus, end up procrastinating instead.

Recently I've been getting very impatient with my life and I've begun to express exasperation towards my work. Maybe it's because there is something else I would rather do than research, and I feel cheated that I can't pursue my interests even after graduation because my father has other projects to give me. So I complain (and shame myself in the process for being an ungrateful daughter and a social science gradute besides).

But I'm just making a mountain out of a tiny hill when you think about it. I'm just afraid of the transition and the extra work that would need to be done once I decide to pursue both my interests and the projects my father is willing to give me.

I find myself speaking in behalf of other people sometimes, and hope I have their best interests in mind.

We have visitors again, I think. I may have just noticed, but odd things happen in this house when All Souls' Day draws near. Although it's also possible that the negative energies we emit attract other forms of (unattached) energy, so they hang around our place for a while.

I wonder if there's a scientific/quantitative explanation for this. Do candles or incense (or prayers) produce some form of a neutralizing energy? Because the visitors usually leave after November 2nd, the last day of Undas.

I'm free until next week to study to my heart's (and brain's) content and to heal duodenums and stomach linings. Yay.

Nothing beats a cape.

25 Oct. 2004

I don't usually watch The Digital LG Quiz, and from what I saw of it last Sunday I'm glad I don't. There were 6 students who competed in the elimination round and they were asked around 24 questions by the hosts. The students were divided into 2 groups, each consisting of 3 students, each group "battled" it out and the winner advanced to the next round. In the first round a student was supposed to be at least a point higher than the others in his (or her) group to win. The maximum score was 3 and about 10 questions were asked.

Out of the 2 rounds 2 of the students weren't able to answer at all. And the boy who "bested" all the other students in the game only answered a total of 4 questions, 2 in the first round and 2 on the second. If that wasn't bad enough the questions weren't hard at all, even my parents knew the answer to some of them. But the "winner" looked smug on national television you'd think he went through fire to earn those 4 points.

Needless to say I was dismayed at the performance I saw yesterday because (yes, yes) "in my day" students performed better on televised contests. They knew the chemical name of H2SO4, the other word for cerumen, and the name of the country Spain sold to the US in 1898.

Last Monday (I think it was Monday) I dreamt I dreamt I was being possessed by a spirit. The dream started with me flat on my stomach and struggling against an unknown force pressing against my back. When I stopped to see what it could do to me I felt my upper body move on its own. I started to struggle again, however I could only do so much as move my head, so I told the force to stop whatever it was doing to me. Then I realized I couldn't hear myself speak, I felt trapped within my body.

I remembered someone tell me that's what a person feels at the onset of a possession. It probably was, because the pressure on my back increased and the same amount was even applied to my sides. I told the force to stop and leave me alone, but it only embraced me tighter. I think I must have gotten annoyed at it after a while because I closed my eyes and concentrated the way I would to get rid of sick energy after massaging someone. It must've worked. I woke up in my dream, and afterwards I woke up from the dream all together.
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I think our first dog still hangs around at our house, even if she's already been buried more than a month ago. There was a time when I felt my left foot licked while I was reading inside the house, eventhough all the dogs were outside and the puppy couldn't do anything yet but roll on its side.