I learned a new sentence pattern today!

Tatoeba, sono hebi ni taberareteiru nezumi wa watashi no ichiban no tomodachi no petto deshita. Nezumi wa hebi ni taberarenagara naiteimasu. Kawaisou.

Hmm... Something like that.

I got back this morning from a 3-day conference/awarding of the best literacy workers, programs, municipalities and cities of our country. I was "tapped", along with another R.A. to be on the team incharge of the process documentation of the entire activity. My job was basically to position myself by a nearby speaker, turn my recorder on when the program starts, and to write down as coherently (and in verbatim, if possible) as I could the ideas presented in the speeches. It wasn't so bad, so I had to wonder why they got us instead of just asking the other LCC staff to do it. It turned out the staff didn't have any training on process documentation, and only a couple among them were interested in learning it.

I only realized this on the second day of the conference: the event was funded by the Philippine government. Since it was headed by an organization under DepEd we had Division Superintendents, mayors and governors among us. Surely they got the money for their plane tickets and the hotel rooms from their IRAs (Internal Revenue Allocation fund) or their salaries, which in turn came from taxes. Our food, rooms and keepsakes (they call them kits in conferences and seminars) were also paid for by the organization. For 3 nights I slept in a hotel, was well-fed, played in a bathtub and had cable TV, all thanks to your money (and your parents', aunts', friends', etc. money). So thank you very much for paying taxes.

I won't put much about the conference or the awarding ceremony in this entry, I might get started on the injustices in the goverment again. But I'll say this much: no matter how much they encourage corruption in the government the CDF (Country Development Fund or Pork Barrel) and the IRA are vital for the development and survival of many municipalities, districts and cities in our country. There is already a Local Government Code giving Local Government Units a certain amount of autonomy and funding so they can bypass most of the red tape in government and get on with their projects in their areas. Not a lot of people know this though, and sadly not a few elected officials do too. Or maybe they just refuse to acknowlegde it (the bastards).

uJournal is finally back in business. However my account has been erased along with (I'm guessing) many others when the uJournal servers crashed, and I'm wondering if I should recreate my account or make a new one all together in LJ. I don't plan to leave tabulas.com, although I feel the need to have another thought depot where I can link up with the other people I'm fascinated or have some form of connection, whether real or imagined, with. I miss the network of "friends" I had in uJournal and so far I've only seen their accounts in LJ, so yes, call me fickle, I might just put up a new journal account in LJ.

Changing the subject, I've been annoyed these past few days, mostly at my inability to articulate, or even express in ways that would be understood, my views on certain matters.

I've also just felt the same feeling of possessiveness I have felt some years ago when new faces started to appear on our little-mound-of-earth-cum-sanctuary in college. It happened when I read a comment on a journal I found through a series of links.

Some people have no right to call themselves by another's name, no right to give themselves the label others have given so much of themselves to have. Even I have no claim to that name, it's supposed to be given by those who coined it.

I am selfish.

I've written about exclusivity in one of the mailing lists I am in and I've cited every reason I could think of at the time I wrote it why exclusivity, or in this case possessiveness, shouldn't be encouraged. It impedes growth, it pushes people (even the useful kind) away, and it triggers paranoia (xenophobia, actually). But here I am scheming, fuming, scandalized by the actions of an impudent being who most likely doesn't even have an idea of his/her infraction.

It's petty, and I can't help it. Names change, but the associations stay the same. You don't bask in someone else's glory and be glorified yourself, although everyone does this -- just look at how Roman Catholics treat the icons of their Church. But my point is, one should learn his/her place. You don't get in because the door's open, you're invited in. You're accepted in.

While we were talking about jobs earlier my friend asked me what my dream job is and I couldn't reply. So he rephrased his question to "what is your greatest dream?" I racked my brain for something great enough to qualify, but the only things that came into mind were those I used to put in autograph books in grade school. I remember wanting to be a ballerina then, and a doctor, a painter, a biologist, a botanist, a teacher, an animator, an anthropologist, an archaeologist, a nurse. To become a professional, an artist or an academician was my ambition.

But I quit ballet, stopped taking art lessons, landed in an Anthropology course, and eventually graduated. As for my greatest dream as far as I can remember it was fairly simple, I wanted to be successful in whatever I was doing. But what am I supposed to be doing?

I admire people who have plans and timetables, they know where they are going.I, however, feel like a dinghy in the middle of the ocean.

My friend dreams of becoming a game tester for a company like Squaresoft, and of creating characters that would be as popular as Calvin and Hobbes or Garfield. Whereas I have no dreams of my own, it seems I have no grand plan I want to accomplish, no high goal I want to reach. Lately it seems I just want to get by.

It's sad to know I've stopped dreaming, that my cynicism has taken over. I can think of over a hundred things that weigh me down, but I feel I have no strength to break away. I've become complacent and it scares me.

I've often viewed male Sheep as merely dreamers, as impulsive, self-centered whiners who are the bane of their families. They are not as responsible as Dogs or Rats, and are not as reliable as Dragons. A Dragon taught me to look beyond what I see, a Dog showed me the importance of companionship, and a Rat the value of family.

But it took a Sheep to remind me of my dreams.

I thank him for that.

I got this from Maoi.

Names don't just tell you about the people who own them, but also about the people who use them. For example, if you call me:

Guia You know me as I am now. I am your classmate in Jap, or your ex-co-applicant in TK. You may also be someone who, by some ill luck (or link) stumbled upon my journal. I am known among my batchmates in Anthropology by this name, since I have the same first first name as another.

Rosa You knew me before we had our fieldwork. Chances are you were a denizen of the Hill or a classmate of mine in high school.

Wosa You're trying to be cute. I remember Chris calling me by this name, but nowadays it's mostlyJonette who uses it.

Diwa I am your niece or grandchild. Or we could have been classmates in Kasaysayan2.

Bebeh Joanne uses this when she wants a favor or when she misses me.

Dancing Queen You live, or once lived in Behia, Magallanes while we were doing our fieldwork. You've seen me dance and were awed (or appalled) at how much endurance I have on the dance floor.

Ate Geya/Gia/Vina You are one of the children who served as our guides, informants, bodyguards, students and friends, among many others, in the field.

Sir You work in Tokyo Tokyo, SM North EDSA and you mistook me twice for a guy.

Fuzzy Keats calls me by this name.

Guia-chan You are Lawrence Mingoa, and you insisted on calling me this inspite of protests from my "bodyguard".

Rosa Guia Padilla You saw me run for office at the CSSP many years ago. I rarely spoke during sorties, but you remembered me because of how I pronounced my name.

Fire Dear Frosty, you still owe me a painting.

Kim I doubt she'll ever use this again. The name was from Fatal Fury. I had a haircut in high school that reminded a classmate of Kim's hair. In jest I called her Mai (Shiranui).

Hana You used to frequent a certain YYH chatroom half a decade ago.

Pare Rod has exclusive claim to this name. Once he starts addressing me with it it means it's time for a little guy-talk.

Ate You are a cousin of mine.

Guia-san We are classmates in Japanese, and you're uncomfortable calling me by my name without any honorifics. Because I won't let you call me ate you instead opted to address me as a Japanese would.

Di You're my older cousin Kuya May-i and you're greeting me, "Hi Di," or "O, Di". Sometimes you also use Ros, a shortcut for Rosa, when addressing me infront of your brods.

Miss Wawaw It came from miswa, I think. The last syllable was added by my mother. I'm supposed to have done something she doesn't approve of if she calls me by this name, but I just find it endearing.

Baby Ni si wo te hao te. You address me as thus even when we're in front of your mother, and sometimes I can't help but worry about what she thinks of it.

Doggie You're a Monkey named Dundee who wants me to check something out, like a gadget only you can fully appreciate.

Yakko Mainly used by Zel in high school. The name came from Kurozukin Yakko, a character in Akazukin Chacha, because I had a crush on a teacher then.

______ You're my sibling and we're not in good terms with each other.

Ma'am You're Mayor Facula of B. Dujali, Davao del Norte and even if you've forgotten my name you still know me as the girl who barged into your room, believing it to be hers.

Hello Katie You're a sweet cuckatoo who's happy to see me, and you express it by dancing inside your cage and saying your name.

After watching Feng Shui (properly pronounced as fang shuwey, with the "a" sounding like the "ou" in enough) I doubt I'd be watching any more horror movies, or even ghost stories on TV for that matter, this year.

If you're interested enough to watch it I suggest you don't read the reviews. It's best if you go inside the theatre not expecting it to be as good as the Ring, nor comparing it with other Asian horror movies. This is definitely one Filipino movie we didn't feel bad spending our money on.